I'm back after a very long time of getting myself together. I know I've promised a lot and haven't delivered so let's just look at this as a make-up session. There's been a lot of stuff going on lately. I've got a new gig, started another blog and a bunch of other stuff I can't even remember. Either way, I'm back and I'll be chronicling (I think that's how you spell it) what's going on with me! I'll have pictures of crazy stuff I see and all types of other random crap. Be on the look out.
16. 624 part1 (samurai champloo music record departure [Nujabes and fat jon]) by Nujabes + Fat Jon
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According to numerous streetwear blogs across the net and more specifically Secret Base, Bathing Ape has released toilet paper and paper towels. I think the toilet paper is to use after crapping your pants when you see the price tag of one of their hoodies or t-shirts. The paper towel is just the material they probably use to make the stuff carrying the price tags you'd crap your pants over.
Yesterday we picked out his casket and got his suit cleaned. The good people at the cleaners on Troy ave were able to have it cleaned and pressed within a couple of hours. There are still a few loose ends to tie up before we lay my father to rest.
I think about the first christmas I remember. I got a toy truck, Washington Redskins football helmet and a football. I must have been about 4 or 5 years old and we played football in the middle of the living room. It was probably the most fun I ever had with him. So much fun that I started calling him "football." It was always my father's dream for me or my brother to become a sports star. We never got into sports but he was proud of us anyway. My brother finished college and gets busy with the computer stuff. He's extremely intelligent and has such a selfless spirit. I grew up and became a writer and computer dude."Football" got to see that happen. He also got to see us grow up and come to my wedding. No crazy baby mothers or jail for either of us.
This picture above is from a birthday party we threw him one year. Even though we didn't see it as much, "Football" loved it when we remembered his birthday and mommy made him a cake. "Football" didn't want much except for he and his family to get the same things everyone else did.Sometimes when I stare across the room at my brother, I see "Football" in him. Sometimes when I stare into the mirror, I see the same thing.
I've taken on a lot of his mannerisms and at times even his walk. I miss "Football" so much already and this picture as simple as it is, reminds me of everything happy and fun about him. From the corny jokes to when he'd drop me off at kindergarten every morning on his way to work.
Yesterday morning I got the phone call that my father was unresponsive and in a mental daze thicker than ever, I made my way via public transportation to my mom's house. Half way there my mom told me over the cellphone that Larry Sr. had passed on. For the remainder of the trip I sat on a subway train moving top speed in slow motion.
I arrived at my mom's crib. She was in the kitchen and my brother; obviously shaken paced the apartment. When I looked into the living room, I saw my father laying in his hospital bed with his tired eyes aimed at the ceiling. He was gone.
My brother was up almost the entire night before as was I miles away. We all felt it. It's the day before his birthday and his spirit had gone on to find the peace he wanted so badly here.
As we spoke to friends, relatives and neighbors all I could picture were his eyes that I closed for him before I prayed and covered him with a sheet. This is one of the hardest things to go through but if I'm as half as strong as my mom who stood by him through the entire ordeal, I'll get by.
Dad, I want you to know that you succeeded in bringing two men from boys. Brian is a man now. I know that he'll always be your baby but he's the adult that you toiled and sacrificed to mold. Mommy is hurting, she loved you deep whether you feel you deserved it or not. I'm more of a man now than I've ever become. Your bloodline is safe and the world has two more Hesters to receive hell from.
Happy Birthday dad, you have the family that you've always wanted. There will be no fighting today.
Ok, a funny thing happened to me on the way back home from running errands. I get to the 57th Street train station in Manhattan and all of a sudded a gang of seemingly drunken santas invaded. At first I thought some kind of party let out or something but nope! It was really weird to say the least.
Bells were ringing, people were chanting stuff like, "Santa wants a train." I was thoroughly amused I have to say. When a downtown 'Q' train came, the rowdy santas made an attempt to board but that was shut down by the conductor which prompted "SantAcid" and a few other joyous jollies to chant "Santa's getting screwed!"
While people on the platform watched hoping that these folks weren't Al Queda in disguise, I started to notice what I think was a shopping cart made to look like a reindeer getting a savagely executed prostate exam.
A few more minutes went by and an 'N' train came. We all piled into the car and all the Santas began to sing twisted Christmas carols like, "The 12 Drugs of Christmas" and "Rudolph the Red Hosed Reindeer." I kid you not people. Then it dawns on me that I haven't spoken to not one of these fine citizens. A young woman sits next to me and I ask her, "Hey, are you guys coming from a party or something?" The woman then smiles and says, "This is the party." Frickin' awesome. Someone had organized for all these people to dress up like Claus and roam the city spreading twisted holiday cheer. I'd rather see that than the boring ass holiday mass on christmas eve.
Finally, my stop came and I had to bid my loud-mouthed freaks goodbye. I miss them already. I wonder if they made it onto the news. You think they could've been a flash mob? Damn, I hope so. I've always wanted to witness one of those. Anyways, I thought I'd share my experience today with you.
I happend to be following a few links and came across Home Room Clothing's blog. Apparently, one of those guys went to Japan and stumbled upon this window display of "Black Man" low rise underwear. Note the extra padding in the groin area to give that bulging bozak look.
Gotta give it to the Japanese, they don't give a f**k!!!
I'm often told that I don't express my feelings as much as I should. It's not that I don't like talking about what I'm feeling but I don't like putting other people through my stress. Twisted, I know but I guess I have some soul searching to do. Either way, I have a burden that I need to get off of my chest and since I don't think I'd be able to verbalize it to anyone with a lstening ear, I figure I'd just type it up here. Now is your chance to click to another, happier place if you choose. From this point on, there's no turning back. You've asked for it.
Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I had to trick my father into going to the emergency room. I know that it was for his own good but I can't help but feel guilty for doing it. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer not long ago and I had to bear the pain of watching him in pain as he fought it and eventually won. Now, he has a new battle to fight. The cancer has spread to his brain and he's on a cocktail of radiation and chemotherapy. For those who don't already know, this is an extremely draining experience for a patient. I've seen the man that I've grown and looked up to shrivel to three quarters the size he used to be. His face has sunken in and his hair is gone. His eyes once filled with conviction have turned to windows overlooking a plain of hopelessnes and uncertainty. He's doubting himself or has just given up. It's a tough battle, I understand this. As he gets sicker, his mind is starting to fail. It's become increasingly difficult for him to remember words he just spoke or even recognize everyday objects. He's caught in a loop of what happened a few minutes ago. It's almost as if his soul is trying to escape.
I'm trying really hard to be strong for the rest of the family. I held his wallet today so he wouldn't lose it. While looking for a piece of information, I saw a picture that almost made me break down. He had my graduation picture in his wallet. I'm glad he still recognizes me although he thinks that I'm still in high school. Some of the things I used to share with him, I can't do anymore. I just want to be able to talk with him again. I have so many more questions to ask about being a grown-up, being a man and one day being a father. Any day could be the last day that I can refer to him in the present tense and it hurts. We didn't have the best relationship but I respect him now that I've grown into adulthood. My father is vanishing before my eyes and there's nothing I can do about it. I'll always have memories of him but he might not of me and I don't think there's enough time to heal that wound.
I've faced my share of tough times but I must say that this has got to be the most difficult situation I've ever been in. The emotional turmoil of a loved one with not a lot of time left isn't just that one emotion of sadness. It's anger, hopelessness, anxiety, forced laughter to keep from falling apart, pride, humility, responsibility and a whole lot of other feelings that may or may not be descriptive of an emotion per se.
Everyone must face a situation like this and there's really nothing that can be said out of comfort. I've tried to say it to other people and it never comes out. There's just no word for it point blank.
Now I'm on a mission that I loathe to take. I question myself as to whether or not I'm prepared. I keep getting a "no." The reality is, I don't know anyone who was ever prepared. I guess there's an instinctive reaction that kicks in and if you were built for it, it'll work out. I could be wrong. I don't know one way or the other. I'll let you folks know what's up as I continue.
There's so much I have to fill you guys in on and it's burning me up at the time. The spotville radio show seems to be getting a really good reaction and a few folks have been reaching out which I like. Other than that, it's been a rollercoaster ride of a past couple of weeks. With that said, let's start from the most recent events.
Tonight, I went out on the town for my birthday which went down earlier this week. During my time out, me and the wife stopped by Toys R Us to pick up a gift for one of her nieces. Me being the master of mischief, I wandered around aimlessly until I came across a Bratz doll that looked a lot like something not intended for children.
Gross when you really think about it huh? After that, we walked down the street and saw the Roseland Ballroom with a crowd outside milling around. Somebody named Gator Production was doing something with Big Daddy Kane. It was the most random thing I've ever saw in a long time. Gotta love it folks, I was laughing all the way to the train station.
Like I said, earlier this week was my birthday and it kind of sucked at first because I had gotten the bad news that one of my uncles down south had died. Most of the week, I was in a South Carolina hotel and on my birthday we buried him. RIP uncle Thomas. Kind of out of it, I returned to the north and back to work. A couple of days ago, I got a phone call from my sister-in-law and her kids singing "Happy Birthday" which was cool. Brought my spirits up a lot ya know. Then the next day, I was surprised at the office with a birthday party in the conference room. I couldn't believe that these folks actually thought enough of me to gather and put this together. I have to say that I was almost drawn to tears when I saw almost the entire office in there. When I got home, a good friend of mine out on the west coast called with her sons and they sang "Happy Birthday" for me too.
All this to say that I am very blessed and chances are, you are too. Things are always going to suck but other things don't. I guess it really depends on what you focus on. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the most optimistic person in the world but there are moments--sometimes very small ones--that soothes life's paper cuts.
Oh yeah, Grey's Anatomy is back on TV and eh, it's ok. Just something to look forward to during the week. I'll be back with more silly stuff to make up for all this introspection soon. Lata.
Alright, I've finally been able to get the new show done and I'm editing the next one. All of yall who've subscribed to it through iTunes should already have it. You can down load the MP3 here, get an iTunes subscription or if you're hardcore, get the show's RSS feed here too. The button below tells you what you're getting. Enjoy!
(Click this to play the show. You might have to wait a few minutes for it to download though. If you want save it to your hardrive, right click with your mouse and select "save linked file" or whatever.)
(You can subscribe here if you have iTunes installed and get the show as soon as it comes out.)
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Hey! This podcast was sponsored by Bonsu Thompson over at Dreamz R Real Ent. Good lookin' out fam!
Since the soup picture got such a good response, I thought I'd show you guys another gem I came across at the grocery store. Snickers ain't got nothing on this type of satisfaction.
If you listened to the last episode of Spotville Radio (#7) you would've heard my rant about adult diapers. Well, I've decided to go ahead and review a few different brands. I went to a local pharmacy and picked up a pack of Depend brand jump offs and I'm gonna wear them to an Allhiphop.com party tonight.
From there I'll continue to provide updates on my experience with these things. I've worn a pair all today but I haven't put them to use as of yet. I have to say that they're pretty warm and will probably really nice during the winter. They're not bulky because I got the ones with the straps on the side. They're kind of like suspenders. Well, I'll keep posting through the evening if I can get a signal. For now, enjoy the pic above.
It's the 4th of July today and there's really nothing to do today. Everybody else is having cookouts and stuff. I was just thinking of something silly as I went to the grocery store to pick up hotdogs and burger buns and whatnot. This is something I found that I thought was really funny. They actually sell this stuff! I thought grocery stores were family establishments!
Who's Theme (samurai champloo music records 'impression' ) b
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It took me a while but now I'm finally getting around to telling the story about the sneakers that I was willing to sleep on the sidewalk for. They're called the Ari Menthol 10s; Ari because well, that's the guy that designed it and Menthol 10s because it follows a cigarette theme. Don't get it twisted though, it's not a collaboration (read: not the newport air force 1s as a lot of folks been calling them).
They're satiracal and that's one of the biggest things that attracted me to the sneakers. On top of that, when I read MaZe's interview with Ari I knew for an absolute fact I had to support dude.
Anyhow, I've been in an on going conversation with the folks at the Alife store trying to nail down exactly when the sneaker was dropping. I got a whole bunch of different stories too. I heard they were coming out on June 9 and on the 8th I'd be able to buy a ticket for ten bucks that would reserve me a pair. Then I heard it was the week after which turned out to be the case. So me being dramatic as usual decided to turn the otherwise straightforward wait for a pair of kicks into a quest. I went to Kmart and picked up one of those chairs with the cup holders (complete with foot rest), some granola bars, fruit punch, pringles and poptarts. The only thing I hadn't worked out was where I was going to take a leak or worse.
The next day I found out that I was a day early and that the release was actually on a Saturday and not a Friday morning like I thought. Finally, it dawned on me. Find out a way to get into the release party. Now lemme tell you something about the sneaker elite. Those big black guys you see in movies posted in front clubs and stuff have nothing on these guys. The sneaker elite get so many people asking for the hook up that they've adopted a distorted, mumbling like language and uneasy jitter. Unable to look anyone in the eyes for prolonged amounts of time. The fear is, they might ask for something that you can't give them. Anyway, with some help from my new co-host Yellaspot I was able to get into the party which was filled with guys with tattoos and fly sneakers. There were free beers and bbq. A few dudes seemed like they had their heads up their asses but it's all good. I can survive for days without human contact so I figured a couple of hours won't hurt.
First off, I have to shout Matt at Alife. That's a good dude yo. Next round of beers on me fam! I also met the guy who runs the Kicks and the City site. Keep doing your thing MaZe! Anyhow, Once in the party, I got the chance to buy my kicks and chill out with the rest of the people at the party. I even got to see some cats I haven't seen in a long time. Then I got the page that the office needed me and I had to bounce. I'd like to have been there for the whole thing but hey, gotta work to get more sneakers right?
Hey! I got to meet Ari as well. I wanted to meet ESPO too but he had a huge crowd around him and I didn't want to make the man uncomfortable. Yo Ari, the shoe is sick homie! I'll be back for the next one baleedat!
That's all for now. I'll talk more about it on the podcast. I'm sleepy now.
While cruising the net, I was able to continue my bizarre obsession with the crazy preacher that has gained computer nerd fame, The Spirit of Truth. I came across some information that he's going to be releasing a DVD!!! So now all my pals out there, you know exactly what to get me for my birthday or Christmas.
By the way, have I told you how hilarious this guy is? See for yourself at his official myspace page right <a href="http://www.myspace.com/spiritoftruth>here.</a>
Lata...for real this time.
Blacko!
I was just listening to Khia's new CD and I've got to say that I'm feeling it. I've been a big time fan of her's for a while and this new "Gangstress" album didn't disappoint me at all. It's not for everybody though, you have to have an appreciation for her brand of lyricism; Vulgar, brazen, simple and not giving a crap. I got the chance to hang out with her the other day and she's crazy cool with her mug shot littered album cover.
Anyway, just thought I'd share my thoughts on this one. I got you Kiz, I ain't forget!
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blackspeezy's journal
confused
contemplative
crushed
Ok, a funny thing happened to me on the way back home from running errands. I get to the 57th Street train station in Manhattan and all of a sudded a gang of seemingly drunken santas invaded. At first I thought some kind of party let out or something but nope! It was really weird to say the least.
sick
stressed
sleepy
ecstatic
